The Heaviness of Things That Float by Jennifer Manuel

Author:Jennifer Manuel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: First Nations, belonging, novel
ISBN: 9781771620888
Publisher: Douglas and McIntyre (2013) Ltd.
Published: 2016-04-02T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

As I tied the boat to my wharf, I spotted flashes of colour on the outside stairs. Balloons. A dozen or more tied to the railing that led to the medical quarters. When I reached the door to the waiting room, a sign said: Welcome! Come on in and meet the new nurse! Red and yellow streamers curled around the door frame. Inside the waiting room, quiet and empty, there were more of the same decorations.

“What do you think?” Wren asked as she strolled in from the examination room tying up a blue balloon. “I found this stuff in a box in the office.”

“Very colourful,” I said. “What’s it for, exactly?”

“I thought it’d be great to have a meet and greet this afternoon,” Wren explained. “Maybe you could show me how to use the radio so I could invite everybody?”

“Of course,” I said.

“So it’s a good idea?”

“Excellent idea. Why not?” I nodded.

“Well then, if I’m meeting new patients this afternoon, then I better get the key from you,” she said.

“What key?”

“The key to the filing cabinets,” she said. “The medical records. I better start going through them now.”

I kept the filing cabinet key, along with the outpost key and the boat key, around my neck on a long strand of deer hide. As I pulled it out from under my cardigan, I felt disquieted. The idea of entrusting all those secrets to a stranger distressed me. Could Wren be trusted? Of course she could. Why should I think otherwise? Still, I wanted to look over Wren’s shoulder when she went through the files. Not only did I feel territorial but vigilant also, excessively so, and if I stayed here with Wren, I’d have the overwhelming urge to sugarcoat every suspicious injury, to defend every domestic dispute, to pardon every unknown paternity. But the records had to speak for themselves, no matter how protective I felt. I feared being judged. I feared my friends across the cove being judged. Not every bad choice ended up with a patient at the outpost, but many did. There among the stomach flus and the outbreaks of scabies was an archive of mistakes and mishaps and violence. Those things were found in any hospital or doctor’s office, I knew that, but here, in such a tiny place, they felt magnified—not anonymous but intensely personal.

It wasn’t going to be easy, this passing of the guard, and I worried whether Wren would be discreet enough. I didn’t have a choice, did I? Soon, Wren would be responsible for the entire outpost, all on her own. Soon, she would be the new secretary of secrets in a place that felt too small for secrets. I unwound the key from the small metal ring and, as I handed it to Wren, I felt strange. After feeling weighed down by these files for so long, I’d have thought the lightness of passing the burden would feel different. I was surprised by this emptiness inside me. Like something had been lost.

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